Dash’s 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

a poo underneath a park tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

two pigs’ ears … and a poo underneath a park tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

three tail-wags … two pigs’ ears, and a poo underneath a park tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

four tattered toys … three tail-wags, two pigs’ ears, etc.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

five cold licks … four tattered toys, three tail-wags, etc.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

six garden sprints … five cold licks, four tattered toys, etc.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

seven yelps at breakfast … six garden sprints, etc.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my greyhounds (if I had two) would give to me

eight legs-a-roaching … seven yelps at breakfast, etc.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

nine whiffs of dog-breath … eight legs-a-roaching, etc. 

On the tenth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

ten rotten teeth … nine whiffs of dog-breath, etc.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

eleven nosey nudges … ten rotten teeth, etc.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my greyhound gave to me

twelve whines at midnight … eleven nosey nudges, etc.

Happy Hound-filled Christmas from Dash: Bitch of the Year!

Thirteenth time (un)lucky

Our thirteenth event of the season was a sponsored walk for Greyhound Rescue West of England (www.grwe.com). It took place in the leafy and lovely surroundings of Westonbirt Arboretum in Gloucestershire. Unfortunately, we got there too late to blow the starting whistle, but a good time was had by all. Since it’s probably the last (outdoor) event we’ll attend this year, I’ve decided to suspend the blog until something INCREDIBLE happens. I’ll sign off with a fun summary of a typical day on the book promo trail:

1. Set off for dog event with the car crammed with boxes of books, display stands, leads x2, collars x2, dog-coats x2, cash float, water bottle and bowl, treats. Already late.
2. Promptly turn round and return home. Have forgotten Dash.
3. Set off again. Sudden downpour and standstill traffic.
4. Sat-nav announces our destination. Looks like a lay-by halfway down a country lane. It is a lay-by halfway down a country lane. Call the organizer for proper directions and apologize for lateness.
5. Finally arrive at correct destination. Run to appointed meeting point, loaded up with books, etc. and Dash charging along beside me.
6. Slip and fall over, scattering books everywhere. Dash takes advantage of diversion and scarpers, trailing the lead behind her.
7. Pick myself up, wipe down books and thank kind person who has apprehended Dash. Dash looks very pleased with herself.
8. Meet the organizer. They are surprised at (a) how small Dash is and, (b) how skinny and bald I am.
9. Discover I’ve been given table next to PA system since ‘nice and prominent’. Fasten Dash to table and set up book display.
10. Change Dash into kit – gold-fringed red velvet coat emblazoned with the legend: ‘DASH – Bitch of the Year’, and matching lead and collar. Finishing touch is a black flower which adorns collar.
11. Meet some charming people and their hounds, but conversation consists of shouting in each other’s ears because of proximity to PA system.
12. Sell and sign books. Carefully check spelling of each person’s name. Misspell someone’s name since three people are talking to me at once, and Dash is trying to pickpocket them for treats.
13. Dash is given strokes and treats galore. Fans pose for their photo with her. Someone asks me, ‘Are you the handler?’
14. Need the toilet, but can’t leave Dash unattended. Wonder if I could do it discreetly behind the table – seems to work for Dash. Decide to cross my legs.
15. Read from book to assembled crowd. PA chooses to pack up at that precise moment. Am given a megaphone instead. Now have megaphone in one hand, book in the other, and Dash’s lead trapped under one foot.
16. Judge a category in fun dog show. Discover I’ve been given one of ‘low-risk’ categories, e.g. ‘Waggiest Tail’ or ‘Most Melting Expression’. About to present rosettes when heavens open. Everyone runs for cover.
17. Crowd thins out, so decide to take a wander and look at some other stalls. Dash steals sausage roll which someone put down for a nanosecond. Spend the day’s profit from book sales on accessories and toys for Dash.
18. Thank the organizer, load the stuff (and Dash) in the car and set off for home. Car breaks down after three miles and end up getting towed home. Arrive at midnight.
19. Declare that’s the last event we’re going to do EVER.
20. Receive invite for another event the next day. Agree to do it without hesitation.

Dash and Celia Cross - Part 2

You’ll be heartened to hear that the greyhound pictured in the previous post (‘Droopy’) is now a lot happier in the care of Celia Cross Greyhound Trust. As are his fellow rescuees from the abandoned kennel of a local greyhound trainer. Although out of the kennels, they’re not yet ‘out of the woods’, and are still waiting for adopters to welcome them into forever homes. In the interim, the wonderful people of Burgess Pet Care have sent no less than ONE HUNDRED sacks of their Supadog Greyhound & Lurcher food to Celia Cross. Dash and I met the marketing boss, Naomi, at the Cranleigh Show (see photo above). Burgess were the official sponsor of the launch of ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’ and are supporting rescue organizations in a number of ways, one of which is the Greyhound & Lurcher Fund. For every 12.5kg sack of food sold, 20p goes into the coffers. You can imagine this makes for a pretty tidy sum, and now is the time of year when the fund is awarded to an independent greyhound & lurcher rescue centre. If that’s you, or an organization you belong to, then applications should be submitted to consumercare@burgesspetcare.co.uk. As for the Cranleigh Show, well, despite the torrential rain, £17K (at the last count) was raised by Celia Cross. Some folk are just indefatigable in their desire to help.

Dash and Celia Cross - Part 1

Last Sunday, Dash and I were special guests of the Celia Cross Greyhound Trust at their Annual Charity Sale & Show in Cranleigh, Surrey. Despite the rain (almost continuous), we had a great time. But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about what happened a month earlier, when volunteers from Celia Cross entered the abandoned kennel of a local greyhound trainer. It turns out he’d been arrested for growing cannabis, then skipped bail and fled the country. Fellow trainers had already ‘rescued’ those dogs that could still race, but sixteen greyhounds that were retired or injured had been left to fend for themselves. We all know that dogs are smart; dogs can do tricks. But they can’t clean their own excrement off the floor or change soiled bedding. And they can’t find food if it’s not there. Just look at the poor beast in the photo above. Black with a white chest, just like Dash. But Dash doesn’t sleep in a 2x4-metre cell with the ceiling about to cave in. You can see the fear in the eyes. Awful. OK, worse things have happened, and dogs aren’t people. But dogs trust us, and the worst thing someone can do is abuse that trust. If you think you can help the CCGT in any way – by donating money or food, or even adopting one of these greyhounds so desperately in need – then get in touch. It only takes a click: http://www.celiacross.org.uk/

Dash and the Dogs Trust

Where better to take a dog for a walk than the ‘Garden of England’? Faversham in the county of Kent was the location for Dash’s latest promotional outing. We were guests of the Dogs Trust at their Fun Day and Dog Show. This time was a bit different however, since the whole family came along! My wife, Sarah (featured in the book) and son, Freddy (unfeatured since still a twinkle back then), both got a taste of what it was like to share the stage with ‘Dash: Bitch of the Year’. The turnout was fantastic, considering the weather did its best to put the dampers on the day. At one point, during the judging of the dog show, an almighty downpour forced Dash, me and a hundred or so owners and their pooches to run for shelter. Despite the drenching, spirits were high and we all stood under a nearby marquee for quarter of an hour sharing shaggy dog stories. I have to say this kind of camaraderie has been one of the nicest things about meeting other dog owners. People are so ready to talk about how thankful they are to have rescued a dog in need and how much their dog matters to them. One of the most affecting encounters of the day was with a couple in their sixties who had a handsome young lurcher – a whippet-greyhound cross in fabulous nick. It transpired it was actually their son’s dog. ‘So where’s your son today?’ I asked. ‘Still in bed?’ Their son had died of cancer two months previously. He’d adopted the dog, loved it and then left it to his parents. You could see how attached they were to it, and how much they missed its owner, their son. Dogs can do that kind of thing – and it doesn’t matter what breed or age or temperament. It’s their particular gift to receive love and pass it on. If, by some slim chance, you’re reading this and don’t have a dog, well, you don’t know what you’re missing. I guarantee that rescuing one will make you two or three degrees happier in an instant. The dog you adopt, of course, will love you forever: http://www.dogstrust.org.uk

Dash and GRWE

No posts for a while, but that’s because it’s summer … and Dash and I have been getting out and about. In July we were the guests of Greyhound Rescue West of England (GRWE) at two separate events. The first was in the delightful Somerset village of Mark. The second was stretching the definition of ‘west’ a bit, if you ask me, since we were in the village of Stoke Bruerne near Milton Keynes. Both events were ‘fun dog shows’ – fun by name, fund-raising by nature. There were stalls selling all sorts of greyhound-related merchandise, tombolas, lotteries, poo-bag tossing competitions (yuk!), photo competitions, homemade cakes, gourmet BBQ sausages (yum!) and, of course, more greyhounds than you could shake a stick at. Not that a greyhound is interested in sticks, mind you. The main event at each was the judging of the dog show, with categories including ‘Prettiest Bitch’ (Dash was barred from entering in case she lost!), ‘Most Handsome Male’, ‘Dog with the Waggiest Tail’, ‘Best Trick’, ‘Best Irish Brace’, ‘Best (non-Greyhound) Pedigree’ and ‘Dog the Judge Would Most Like to Take Home’. Dash and I even got to judge a few of these categories ourselves (see photo above), as well as dishing out a few rosettes. Much to my surprise, at the Mark show, I ended up choosing a Giant Schnauzer as the dog I’d most like to take home! More important, however, a combined total of more than £2K was raised at the two events. Good for GRWE … and greyt for greyhounds! Our next show is this Sunday (7 August) at the Dogs Trust in Faversham, Kent. Hope to see you there!

Great British Greyhound Walk

At the end of June, Dash and I attended the Oxford ‘leg’ of the Great British Greyhound Walk – an event designed to raise awareness of ex-racers and convince potential adopters to take on a pointy dog of their own. The goal was to get 2,011 (as in the year 2011) hounds out nationwide. The final result was a massive 2,279 dogs. I’ll let the pictures do the talking since the hounds did the walking ...